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Grief

Gravity doesn’t work the way it used to. Some things are too heavy, and some too light. There’s a great weight, but it’s like a dark cloud; sometimes dense, sometimes not. It’s like someone took the laws of physics and put them in a blender. I’m beginning to get used to it, in the same way a new sailor gets used to walking on a ship, but the world is wrong.

Thank you to everyone who’s reached out this week. It means a lot, and I probably haven’t replied. I’m overwhelmed by everything, which means I’m not good at emails, or texts, or phone calls. I do things, but I keep having to go back to bed. The same is true of my dad and my sister: we go through the motions of coping, but underneath the surface it’s just turmoil.

I hate feeling this way, and I hate seeing the people I love most in the world feel this way, and I hate that I just want to reach out and give my mother a hug and I can’t.

If you regularly read this space, you might be wondering when I’ll get back to ethical technology. Why doesn’t he write about open source, for crying out loud?! The answer is: eventually. There are good moments, and there are bad moments, but it doesn’t feel right to get back to business. Now, above all, is a time to breathe.