I'm trying to spend some time to reflect on this absurd, terrible year, paying particular attention to my role in it, and the things I can control in the future.

Honestly, for much of the year, it's been a case of just trying to stay afloat: the cognitive load of the pandemic + helping to care for my terminally ill mother + a demanding full-time job + extracurricular academic study has often been overwhelming. I end my days exhausted, and I'm acutely aware of mistakes I've made in the course of my work - particularly over the last month. I have some apologies to make today.

All the more reason to proceed with intention.

For me, a large part of thinking about the future is finding ways to reduce that overwhelming cognitive load. I've been trying to do too much, in the midst of an unprecedented scenario. That has also affected my goals: I ended last year with the stated intention to become more politically active and help with the election, which didn't happen.

On the other hand, I wanted to spend more time on writing, and I did manage to achieve this, through taking courses and participating in competitions. I'm excited to take that forward next year - not for any productive reason, but because it gives me joy. In these times, joy is all-important. When things are hard or going badly, it's easy to be cynical or grumpy. I want to progress with empathy and joy.

I also, quietly, fell back in love with the internet. I'm not sure when it happened, but I find myself thinking about the possibilities again. There are so many ways to support communities, break down barriers, and create new opportunities. I'm still utterly sick of the people who see tech as little more than a payday and want to approach the industry like Wall Street - the hustlers and grifters - but I'm finding them to be easier to ignore.

Trump's decline has given me some peace, too. The day the results became apparent, I felt a sense of overwhelming calm that I'd forgotten I was capable of. This gives me some more capacity to actually be human.

I'm still sorting through everything that happened this year, both globally and personally. It will be some time before I'm able to sort out my goals for the next year. But these are interesting things to think about.

How are you thinking about next year? I'd love to hear your thoughts.